Anxiety? Insecurity?

The quirkiest post I've ever written & posted, if you find it weird--please, I got it, but I beg you to understand my so called fear, not really, more like insecurity.

So I found myself got lost in a world called insecurity. Since when did this thing control me, I couldn't find the answer. All I know that I'm afraid of not being enough, let's say, smart enough, pretty enough, attractive enough, and else. I do afraid of what people would say about me, which I really find it annoying too, meanwhile in this universe, we live the way we want to, without hesitating of what others would say, but I, I give a shit about what others say about me. "Oh this girl's sooo overconfident, she be like uploading selfies 24/7 but look, she got flat nose, slanted eyes, clearly not smooth face and *mention any imperfection here*. Call me an over-thinker, excessive kind of person, label me with those, because I am. I never really felt the impact of world's beauty standard until late these days. I know nobody's perfect, I know beauty is only perspective, hella perspective, but is it even wrong for me to wanna be impressed as "good looking" to people? Or, don't you guys wanna?

I have this strange feeling whenever I posted a picture of me, let's say, selfie. I am not fond of taking selfies, I don't, well, I used to back then in junior highschool, but for now, what for? Who to impress? Selfie is deceiving for me, I don't want people to be deceived of my looks through the selfies I took. Even though selfies aren't always looking good, but we're looking for the best angles of us, you can't disagree with me this time. If you say I'm not conforming myself to look good, the heck what you say. I may not went to skin clinic center once a month, nor hair salon to make my hair look good (oh what for though, it's covered by hijab, thankfully), but I did a little touch of makeup, and whenever I'm fully polished, do you think I'm confident and ready enough to conquer the day in front of me? Simply, no. I never put on too much makeup, since my makeup kits only consist of sunscreen, compact powder, and lip stuffs (I do have BB Cream but I think it's quite heavy to be used for daily makeup). And, do you know what people would say whenever us, women, put on too much makeup on daily basis? They got judged. How about those who goes naturally? They got judged also. 

I really--really beg you to stop judging people (especially women) by their faces, by their physical looks, not to be hypocrite, yes, I do judge people by their looks first, we all do, but do you know what have they done until they got their current physical looks? Do you know what kind of pressures have they gone through until they're confident enough to go out? No one's ugly, everyone's pretty for themselves and for those who think they are. :)


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