Thursday, June 30, 2016

Isinya Curhat

Gue gak tau apa yang Allah lagi persiapin buat gue. What joke is He playing on me. Pertama banget, gue bermimpi kuliah ke Jepang, di APU tepatnya. Ter-se-pengen itu sampe ikut workshopnya, sampe pulpen gratisannya gue sayang-sayang, sampe udah minta katalog dan formulir juga, terus gak dibolehin sama papa karena takut masalah finansial gak ke-keep up. Jadi gue mundur. Padahal ada pilihan beasiswanya, dan gue udah gak boleh sebelum nyoba. I am not going to blame on that. Karena ternyata kayaknya gue gak bakal sebisa itu, belajar studi yang gue mau sama belajar bahasa Jepang karena tuntutan tempat tinggal. Akhirnya, goodbye APU, I'll see you whenever I see you.

Kedua adalah gue disuruh nyoba Sastra Jerman UI. Oh pertamanya gue sangat yakin gue bakal bisa, but then it turned out to be something really--really hurtful. Sampe detik pengumuman SIMAK, gue dinyatakan gak lolos di pilihan yang sebenernya gue sangat enjoy belajarnya, tapi gue sadar, kecintaan gue terhadap bahasa Jerman cuma sebatas bahasa aja, gak mendalam sampe sastranya, dan mungkin dari itu, Allah gak ngasih gue izin kuliah di Sastra Jerman UI. Sedih? Ya pake nanya. Gue merengek-rengek di tangan ibu gue tadi. How do I heal my wound? Nonton Running Man, ilang bentar.

My biggest fear has come. Gue lagi dalam kebingungan gue mau kuliah di mana. Gue mau ikut mandiri-mandiri PTN lain, dan semoga aja salah satunya adalah rezeki gue, yang sebenernya dari awal gak gue pernah sadarin. One of my friends told me, "It's alright Naf, I've been through that phase, yours shall pass too" dan banyak kalimat-kalimat penyemangat yang masuk sore ini ke LINE gue and I'm really thankful for that.

Terima kasih kalo baca. Udah dibilangin isinya curhat.

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

There are several moments where I get excited over something new and wanna try that out. I feel like I have the power, the guts to do so. Nothing seems as barriers, not even a tiny thing. But there's this little thing called insecurities in every of us. I guess, what I dislike about myself is this insecurities is overpowering me. I feel like I'm being controlled by my own insecurities, that's why I guess I'm not even making any new achievement in my current life. And now you know what holds me back from taking new things.

Here's to explain everything clearly. I'm afraid. I'm way too afraid of what people would comment on me, even though, I know, I should've not given any of my fs to it. I may not born to be liked by all, I am not, obviously, but maybe I was putting on much effort to be liked, by all. Simply all. I try to conform. If I ain't, the societies would exile me somewhere, not letting me to live together with them.

I haven't found out what to do with my insecurities. I mean like, I know the consequence(s) of trying to conform too much, I would achieve nothing wonderful yet people like me.

For your information, I just finished 4th ep of Descendant of The Sun. I know how the ending of the episode would turn out to. Oppa, saranghae oppa. And here's a picture of my current K-actor crush. Hope you guys have a good day.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

7 Reasons Why Your Two Week Trip To Haiti Doesn’t Matter: Calling Bull on “Service Trips”

People on such short trips usually don’t stick around long enough to realize how ineffective they are being.  In Uganda, I got used to seeing groups of young people come for week-long visits at the orphanage where taught English. They would play with the kids, give them a bracelet or something, and then leave all-smiles, thinking they just saved Africa. I was surprised when the day after the first group left, exactly zero of the kids were wearing the bracelet they had received the day prior. The voluntourists  left thinking they gave the kids something they didn’t have before (and with bragging rights for life). But the kids didn’t care, because what they really wanted was school uniforms, their school fees to be paid, guaranteed meals, basic healthcare, and the like — the basics.
Worse, they can even be harmful to children who struggle with abandonment issues.  This should not be understated; have you ever considered the negative impact it routinely has on kids after they bond with someone for a week, and then that person disappears from their life? If your justification for going on these trips is “seeing the smiles on the kids’ faces”, then you’re part of the problem.


Friday, May 06, 2016

Nobody Could Make You Happy Unless Yourselves


This thing is common in my generation. People be like making fun of single people out there. And those who are taken feel superior because they think they have somebody to hold their backs. And I'm here, laughing at you guys who feel superior becaue of that.

I'm not going to deny that I like the idea of having a relationship. Everybody wants the ideal ones, well, who doesn't? But the fact that you're taken because you couldn't handle the "single people" sort of joke is appalling. You can't stand on your own, can you? So you need somebody to hold you, so you wouldn't fall apart? You weak human being.

I'm writing this to those who are ashamed of being called "jomblo". Nobody could make you inferior without your consent. Well, my ideal type of relationship means loving each other unconditionally, without even asking for public display attention. It is fine if you want to tell the world that you're proudly his, but please, we don't need every shitty explanation that you wrote on Instagram. We don't need that so called "goals". 

Here it is, you better look for things that makes you happy, invest your energy in things that lasts forever (books, movies) but not men. Men are human being, eventually, they passed away. Lastly, be like a butterfly, pretty to see, hard to catch. 

End of the passage, I would like to say sorry for many quotes intended.