Monday, March 23, 2015

15

1. Be smart.
2. Be independent.
3. Be steady.
4. Held head&chin up.
5. Be benign.
6. Be fierce.
7. Pretty in&out.
8. Be elegant.
9. Stylish.
10. Think like a bat out of hell.
11. Be cynical.
12. Be critical.
13. Be loved.
14. Be consistence.
15. Be different in a good way.

Shoutout to jealousy girls out there

To those who ever got jealous with me,

No, I got no crush on your crush. 
No, I don't flirt with each of them. 
No, I don't even try to make you girls jealous. 
No, I never meant to make you girls worry.
No, I never meant to make you girls bereaved.
No, I never wished to be your crush's princess.
Yes, I can't resist someone kindness, if he's good to me then I'll be good too.
So girls, who ever got jealous with me, you're totally being envious with the wrong person. 
Thank you.
:)

A Letter To Papa

Life without worries: happiness.
The more I grow, the more I realise that life is full of obstacles. I used to think growing up is easy as pie. Apparently my thesis gone wrong. I've been in some situations that I've never ever wished before. Like, life isn't just about eating, breathing, pooping, etc. Even in the smoothest lane we could still feel the convulsion. No, I ain't gonna make my problem seems rigid but it is, for me.
Convincing my dad isn't that simple. I am totally my dad's daughter, we're an ovethinker. But believe me, convincing myself isn't as stony as my dad. I hate how words I've completely arranged, vanish momentarily. I mean, when I wanna argue about what I want about my future with my dad, my deadly arguments immediately sheer off. I really am a failure. 
Pa, even though you want me the best, but it doesn't mean you can burden my expectations. I've been wishing to do A, B, C, in the future to make you proud. What's wrong with pursuing my gigantic trance? I wanna try something new, something different, something I've never done before in my life. Is that wrong? 
Oh Allah, can You convince my dad that I am capable to do things he might think I can't? Can You enlightened his heart that I wanna be what I've dreamt of? No, he never asked me more than I could, but can I beg you to make him putting trust on me that I can do more than what he think of? I'm currently in the wrong lane, I can do nothing but being stiff, disliking my surroundings and disgust most of the people in it. I can promise you, if I were on a beam track, I could improve myself more, I guess.


Papa, I want you to read this but you doesn't even know that I'm owning a blog,
Kakak.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Wacana

Terkadang, semua yang direncanakan dengan matang tidak berjalan sesuai harapan.

Salah satunya adalah rencana untuk menghabiskan waktu liburan dengan belajar. Gue harusnya duduk manis, belajar, stress sendiri, tapi lebih memilih buat nulis disini karena merasa penat walaupun rasanya ilmu yang gue terima masih sekecil biji sawi. Gue sedang merasakan rasanya menuntut sesuatu yang seharusnya gak gue tuntut. Ngerasa ada di jalur yang salah aja, kenapa gue kepikiran untuk milih jalur macam ini, tapi menyesalinya telat. Bukan telat, gue selalu menyesal, tapi gak pernah mau berlebihan untuk menunjukkan ke diri gue sendiri bahwa gue menyesal, karena gue mau maju, dan gak bisa selalu nyalahin keputusan yang lalu. Gampangnya, gue berpikiran kalo ilmu sebenernya gak ada yang sia-sia, dan gue harus senang karena dapet kesempatan yang sebenernya beberapa orang mau untuk di jalur yang sama seperti gue. Semoga aja masih banyak jalan yang bisa gue pilih, dan semoga jalur yang gue pilih nanti gak buat gue menyesal. Sekarang cuma bagaimana caranya gue harus tetep semangat dan gak putus asa untuk ngelanjutin 1 tahun kedepannya.
Rencana libur seminggu ini memang udah direncanain untuk belajar buat UTS. Entah kenapa, internet, tempat tidur, dan video-video di youtube lebih menarik daripada biasanya. Gue udah bisa ngebayangin apa yang bakal terjadi di malam sebelum ulangan, hectic. Sebenernya gue bisa menyicil dari yang sudah gue lakuin, tapi balik ke point pertama, 3 hal tersebut. Gue terkadang mikir, kenapa gue harus jadi manusia. Kalo misalnya gue semut, pasti hidupnya agak lebih.....sulit, mungkin, tapi gak harus ketemu sama UTS, UAS, UN.